Adapted from the Gospel according to Luke, 10:25-37, in the King James Version
by Geoff Howes
And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?
And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side, saying, all lives matter, and if I help him I will be ignoring all other lives.
And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side, saying, he probably had a criminal record and so he deserved to be wounded. Else why would he be among thieves?
But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
And the host said, I suppose you Samaritans now think you are the shit, acting all holier than thou and shit.
Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?
And he said, all of them, because all lives matter.
Then said Jesus unto him, WTF dude, were you even paying attention?